How to find love by letting go of desire.

Student: How can I find love?  

HaRu: Why do you want to find love?

Student: To make me me happy. I want a partner, I want to have that connection with another person. I want to have children, raise a family, and experience life together.  

HaRu: If you desire a partner to make you happy, that must mean you are not happy now, correct?

Student: Not as happy as I want to be.  

HaRu: If having a partner would make you happier, and happiness is relative as you have assumed it to be, then relative to some point in the future when you have found your partner, you are not happy in this moment without said partner, correct?

Student: Yes.

HaRu: Why do you believe a partner will make you happy?

Student: Because that is something I want to experience in my life.  I want to find love. 

HaRu: Finding your partner will not make you happy.  

Student: Why not?  

HaRu: Because you are not happy now. You perceive yourself as having a problem, the problem being the absence of love. You are holding on to pain, and you have left no room for receiving a pleasure you claim to desire, because you are too busy holding on the pain of not having it. 

Student: But I desire to experience love, how can I get rid of my desire?  

HaRu: Do you really want to get rid of your desire?  

Student: No. I want to experience love, I cannot deny that.  

HaRu: You cannot harbor both desire and experience. Your life has room for only one or the other. You must choose: Would you rather experience desire for love, or would you rather experience love itself?  

Student: I would rather experience love.  

HaRu: What is preventing you from experiencing love right now?  

Student: The absence of a partner.  

HaRu: When you experience love, does the feeling of love arise from inside of you or do you receive it from your partner?  

Student: Both.  

HaRu: How can you receive it from your partner?  

Student: I don’t know, I can just feel it when they are around and as part of my life.  

HaRu: Do you feel it inside of you even when they are not physically present?  Or is the feeling outside of you present only in their presence?  

Student: The feeling is on the inside, they don’t have to be physically next to me for me to feel their vibrational energy of love in my life.  As humans, we can feel the vibrational energy of others, , right?  

HaRu: Correct.  And that is as true for the people who are in your life as it is for the people you wish to draw into your life.  Since you want to experience love from a partner, which energy do you believe is more likely to draw your partner who is going to love you the way you want to be loved into your life: Energy that is seeking love and thus void of love itself?  Or energy that emits the presence of love?  

Student: The energy of love.  

HaRu: And why is that?  

Student: Because we experience on the outside what we emit from the inside. 

HaRu: Correct.  To draw into your life the partner who is going to love you the way you want to be loved, you must first emit a vibrational energy of love, rather than one desirous of love and thus absent love.

Student: But how can I do that without my partner here?  Should I just imagine they are here.  

HaRu: I am not suggesting you pretend that your partner is here and experience their love, because that is just as much as illusion as acknowledging their absence and robbing yourself of happiness due to the non-existence of an event or circumstance.  

Student: What then should I do?  

HaRu: Become very present and recognize that if you cannot be happy where you are right now, in this moment, then your partner will not be able to make you happy.  

Student: Why is that?

HaRu: Because to your own admission you are making your partner responsible for your happiness.  And to rely on your partner for your own happiness is a dangerous proposition that will eventually destroy your relationship.   

Student: That makes sense, but how can I be happy now without the partner I want?  

HaRu: Why do you hold on your desire to find love?

Student: Because I want to find love.  

HaRu: And you believe that consciously acknowledging your desire for love will help you find it?  

Student: Yes. 

HaRu: Can you control the future?  

Student: No.

HaRu: Then why are you trying?  

Student: I am not trying to control the future.

HaRu: Then why are you holding on to your desire to find love?  

Student: Because I want to find love, and I am afraid that if I let it go, it will never happen.   

HaRu: What exactly do you think I am asking to let go of?  Student: Love.  HaRu: Wrong, I am asking to let go of your desire for love. There is a major difference between your desire for an experience, and the experience itself.  Your desire necessarily implies a lacking of the experience, this lacking creates an emptiness inside of you that only robs you of joy.  You think holding on to your desire will help you find love, when in fact it only repels your efforts.  And why is that?

Student: Because we experience on the outside what we emit from the inside.  

HaRu: Correct.    

Student: But if I don’t desire love then how will I find it? 

HaRu: If you continue experiencing a desire for it, how will you find it?  

Student: I don’t know.  

HaRu: You cannot, you will frustrate your own efforts so long as you hold on to desire.  

Student: Then what do I do?  

HaRu: What can you do?  

Student: It feels like nothing.  

HaRu: Yes, then do that.

Student: Do what?  

HaRu: Do nothing, let go.  Your situation has only two outcomes: either you find the partner you now seek or you do not.  Correct?

Student: Yes.

HaRu: And you have no control over whether or not this event takes place because you cannot control the future, correct?  

Student: Yes.

HaRu: If you cannot control the future, and the past has already played itself out, then all that remains is the present moment.  What that means is you can either resist the present moment and make yourself unhappy at the fact that your partner has not yet arrived and hold on to this unpleasantness indefinitely and potentially for the rest of your life allowing it to consume you and rob you of all the pleasures you could have otherwise experienced between now and then.
Or, you could accept that right now is all there is, and that even if you had already found your partner and love, that person could still be taken from you. Does that mean you cannot be happy after they pass from your life?  You can make that choice.  But no one benefits from your unhappiness, least of all you.  Let go any resistance to the present moment and accept it for what it is, and realize this is exactly as your life is supposed to be in this moment, and when it needs to be different, it shall be different.  But until and if that moment comes, it will only come in the Now, and in the Now you are happy.
Which to you seems like the more desirable option?  

Student: The second one.  

HaRu: So what are you going to do now?

Student: Just let go.

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